If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
