wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
