My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
