You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
