I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
