Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
