The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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