There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
