you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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