I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
