yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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