I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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