so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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