My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
