I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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