Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
