We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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