Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
