That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
