When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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