ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
