dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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