Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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