Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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