Whod you bang
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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