I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
