I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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