Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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