oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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