i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I party with great urgency now.
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