I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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