I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
