So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
