it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
