when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
