I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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