Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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