im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
