There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
