She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
