guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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