Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
