Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
