You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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