soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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