Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
