I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
