at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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