HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
