sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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