do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I didn't shave. On purpose
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
