He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
