Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
