Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I did not marry a roomba.
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