alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
