dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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